“Jonathan’s Saturday Mornings”

When my eldest Son Jonathan, was young his Saturday mornings were not as he should have had.  We lived, and still do, in a rather large house by the Sea – the North Sea – and the Boys, I have two Sons all grown up now, well they had plenty space to run around in.

 

Yet saying that, my Mother and spinster Sister came to live with us, very long complicated story – for another day perhaps.  My Mother from the day she entered the House liked to believe that she was “still in charge”, even though I was in my Thirties, married and two young Boys to bring up she still knew it all.  She also liked to cause “trouble”, even though that would be denied and that in itself caused problems, she was never happier than when she had caused an argument between my late Husband David and myself.

 

Saturday mornings, David would tell the Boys, when they would get up so early and head downstairs and put the tv on and play their games or watch tv, that Mummy was having a lay in and not to make too much noise.  David would leave the Sitting room curtains for me to draw as they were awkward and I always told my Mother not to touch them.  But every Saturday morning, my Mother would go into our Sitting Room and go to pull the curtains, Jonathan would tell her not to do it as “Mummy said she will do them” but my Mother would ignore him and Jonathan would persist and my Mother would raise her voice and in would go David and Jonathan would say what I had said about ther curtains, David would have a go at Jonathan, and end up giving him a slap, Jonathan would then run up to his room or me, and being hot tempered (Irish blood) I would go down and then the row between David and myself and my Mother would be delighted, off she would go.  As for young David he would carry on with his games.

 

Poor Jonathan, it was not his fault.  Once I had done all the washing, Jonathan and myself would set about making Pies and Cakes, he would have his stool and help me or even make his own biscuits, at least to this day this is a happy memory for him.  I always longed for David to play like a Father does with his Children, saying that is a bit rich coming from me, my own Father never once played with me.  I have absolutely no memories of my Father as much as reading a book to me, or my Mother.  My Mother was always too busy cleaning.  David at least did read to the Boys every night but, unfortunately, Jonathan grew up seeing how David preferred his youngest Son, called David after himself and his own Father.  I always told Jonathan how Daddy loved them both, but the child knew from an early age.  Now we have no pretense and Jonathan has had his own problems, stemming I believe from his Father’s feelings towards him, also that Jonathan was bullied  dreadfully for having a much older Father when he was at School, this I never knew about until some years ago.  For all of this the blame should, must be laid at my door I put these Children in this situation.  I shoulds not have Married someone that much older, I should not have married someone who did not love or even want me – one always finds out too late.  Poor Jonathan should have had happy Childhood memories of Saturday mornings, instead he has the above.

 

 

 

 

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27 thoughts on ““Jonathan’s Saturday Mornings”

  1. Oh Anna, there is nothing more difficult in life than being a parent. We are wrought with worry from the moment of conception and do only our best as the days go by. And years later, when we witness our children’s struggles as adults, we blame ourselves, for our inadequacies at the time. Please do not be hard on yourself. It is up to them to overcome whatever we have given them, to lead their lives to their as see and feel fit.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I know you are right, but I have that “Catholic guilt”, you know what the saying is “Once a Catholic always a Catholic”, I am lapse because of all the hypocrisy I witnessed. I blame myself that I should have done it differently. I should have had the guts to not always go along with what my Husband/Mother/Sister decreed.

      My Sons are grown men, still at home the house is rather large and the only time we really meet up us like now when I cook the meal and we sit down together. I just wish they would stop worrying over me and go out there and see the World. I had the chance twice but did what my Mother wanted, stayed at home!! Thanking you for reading my blog and for your thoughtful, wise comments.

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  2. I don’t think its your fault. I am sure that if you knew your son was going to have a childhood like the above if you married your late husband, you never would’ve married him….but I also understand how growing up with an older dad feels like….my dad is about 25years older than my mother.

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    1. You know then exactly what it is like to have an older Father, the Boys were young when their Father died, Jonathan 15 and David 10 – his birthday four days after his Father died. Jonathan remembers his Father well and says “he never loved me”, David says he remembers so little about his Father. I realize now I married to get away from Home, what I did was still end up with my Mother and Sister in my house. Choose wisely when you do poppet, you have all your life ahead of you, enjoy yourself stay Free and have fun.

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  3. Sorry about those two comments….keep pressing the wrong button……..what I was trying to say was that, even though my dad is a loving person, growing up with an older father has other emotional problems of its own. And besides, you were young then….you did what you could to get away from home…meaning you attempted freedom which is way better than being stuck with your mom and sister. Its their loss and not yours because they didn’t just make you unhappy..but also made themselves unhappy. I am glad you still loved them….this only shows how strong a person you are….Take care….:)

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  4. I guess the question that always has come to my mind when we’ve been emailing is, how different would Jonathan and David’s lives be now had David Sr. been a proper kind of father… Because in some strange way I feel like he trapped them at home. Almost as if they’re scared to have a life of their own… Or am I all wet?

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    1. No I think perhaps you have it spot on, something I did not want to admit. I feel they are trying to make up to me for the things that were done to me. When I die, please God, they will get this entire house (you know the situation with it) and from what they have said to me they will not sell it, they will live here. Either convert it to two apartments (as the house if so big for that) or just live in it but it will be theirs. Yes, I believe David did trap them as he trapped me. I remember when they were young I wanted them to have Bikes, like all kids, but David put his foot down and said “No”. We would never have gone on Holiday had I not saved and insisted, I wanted the Children out of the house for a few weeks at least. I worry over them both, although David is tough or is that an act? Jonathan well he is a big worry to me. All these bloody health problems don’t help it makes them feel they have to be here for me. Did I tell you David and myself suggested to Jonathan he volunteer in the “Mind” Charity Shop that was due to open, just to get him out of the house, well he went for an Interview, the Area Manager happened to be in the new shop that day, he saw Jonathan and asked would he be interested in Manager on a Sunday (he would be paid for that) he interviewed Jonathan and gave him the position – its a start Cheryl, he is happier in himself.

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      1. Anna! That’s wonderful about Jonathan! Is this something he will really enjoy? You know Bran has two degrees. One in psychology and the other in criminal justice, but I swear that kid is happier than a clam working retail. It’s like it’s in his blood. It’s so weird. He is the TOP (get this!) BRIDAL CONSULTANT at their store! LOL

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  5. Cheryl, I did not know that Bran had a Degree in Criminal Justice. Jonathan studied Law and I was told by his Lecturers he was very good, but Jonathan wasted it all – it was during and after David died, so not much could be said. Well done to Bran being the top Bridal Consultant, as long as he is happy Cheryl that’s all that matters. As for Jonathan he seems very happy permanent, what is permanent these days. He is a grown man I can’t keep helping him Cheryl and its not fair that David has to help him all the time.

    Tell Bran if I ever were to marry again (extremely unlikely) I will go to him for Dress. Good on Bran. Love to Arn and Bran.

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    1. Oh you know how it is, Anna. He’s happy with his job and, like Jonathan maybe, just fine with being here and being taken care of. We told him the other day we thought we were going to fly to Baltimore for Ethan and Liam’s birthdays in January. He was all excited — till I told him he had to pay for his own ticket this time. Now he’s not sure he can get off work. Yeah, right…

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  6. That sounds so familiar. Jonathan did not want dinner the other night, much later on he decided to get a takeaway, I was not too pleased, but his choice to add more weight when he is Diabetic like me. Anyhow yesterday I found out “I paid for it”, he only used my card to pay for it, twice I found out (last week as well) far from happy about it. We spoil them, make it too easy.

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    1. We have now told Bran we are NOT buying his ticket to Maryland in January for the kids’ birthday. (Liam is demanding I come and bake him a cake! But he wants his OWN so that’s really TWO cakes. Ethan’s BD is the 14th and Liam’s is the 16th. LOL) Suddenly he’s saying he doesn’t think he can get off work then anyway. Works for me. We don’t have to pay his friend Rick to house/cat sit then!

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      1. We will always be there for our Sons, even though they take the p..s at times. Liam would be so disappointed if you did not bake his Cake, what about Ethan you will do a cake for him too, you will be busy. I would not be without my Sons but despite grown Men at times they are like young boys.

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  7. wow, listening to you two talk is a real eye opener!
    Firstly Anna sounds like our families of origin were similar – my father was war damaged, dead for decades; my mother very similar to yours, and my sister is our mothers faithful apprentice in the trade of manipulation! Then we differ – I worked 3 jobs to get out of home and later put myself thru uni.
    Listening to you two – love or smother? Adults should not be at home … I used to dread meeting sons like yours. Sounds more like you should finally do something with your life – study, travel … anything but slave to your sons! Once you start to enjoy life they might follow your example – they are far too dependant and that is not healthy.
    Catholic guilt is deep and damaging, stop overthinking, find something you enjoy doing and get busy, please?
    And only said with love in my heart, no offence meant.

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    1. First I must ask you why you would dread meeting Sons like mine why because they are well mannered and polite and gentle in their own way. To each their own, it is said, perhaps you would prefer men you met to be abrupt and so tough. Is that Australian men? No offence intended. I have to say they are not dependant on me, you have no idea what my Sons had to go through as Children, we were stuck in a situation that we could not get out of, we are still stuck in a situation that is extremely difficult. My sister still lives here, she owns half the house, morally she owns not that, stealing the half of my Father’s house that was intended for me, the house was left to my mother who on her death the house would be split between that cow of a sister and me, but my mother handed it all over to my sister, and then wanted to buy into this house. My late husband against Solicitors advice gave her half of this house when she did not have all the money to pay for it, my husband lent her the money (I discovered on his death its still outstanding – thanks to my husband I am trapped). This house morally belongs to my Sons and why should they give it up. When I am gone and that bitch is too, hopefully they will have the house and do what they want sell it or convert it.

      You can love someone and not smother them, I do not smother my Sons, they live their lives the way they want, and it is them that tell me they are happy here “why should we leave”, I will not ask them to go they will go when they want. My Sons growing up had to witness violence they had to witness verbally abusive language all the time. You have no idea what it is like to have your 7 year old Son come to you and ask “are you a whore” – when I asked who said that I was told “Ellen” my so called sister, worse than that was said – two little boys about to go to school and they see their mother being attacked by their grandmother with a knife, their taxi driver standing at the door waiting to take them to school, me pleading with him not to call the police. You just have no idea what they have gone through.

      Yes we have our disagreements, who does not, but I am extremely proud of my two Sons, yes they are gentle that’s not because they live at home, its because that’s their make-up, whatever happens to my Sons its their choice, their other halfs will be lucky to have them. I am not a mother that ties them to me, I encourage them to do what they want. I cannot understand women who do not like a man if he is gentle and kind, why is that so wrong. I was married to a well respected “Gentleman” who could throw a good backhander and go to smash a chair over my head, and lie to me. A few years ago the large house next door to us which had been converted into two flats came up for sale on a Friday, my youngest Son wanted it (use one half as an office, the other half to live in), he rang the estate agent who told him officially would not go on the market until the Monday morning, come that morning he rang first thing, the house had been sold (backhanders, we found out), when we spoke to the person it had been left to she was annoyed at the price it went for, she was even more annoyed when she found out my son’s offer was much higher), so you see my Sons do what they want. As for me I am not their slaves, far from it, what I do for them I do as their mother, and because I want to do it. They do a lot for me and I am spoilt, very spoilt at times. Yes I could do what I want, but my background has made it difficult for me to just go out there and be free. I also regrettably have so many health problems, I never expected to contend with, which prevents a lot of what I want to do. Apologies for the length of this, but hopefully it will help you see that not all grown up Sons who still live at home are “Mummies Boys”.

      Do you mind me asking do you still live at home, I have no idea if you are are older than I think, perhaps you are young, I don’t know. Do you or have you had children, a lot of “experts on children” have never had them. I take no offence at what you say, my explanations to you are not intended to cause offence. We are two people trying to be honest, right?

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  8. Dear Anna, I am so sorry that I pushed so many buttons, that was never my intention!
    I totally agree – I delight in gentle well mannered people. Most glad you spoke your mind so that I can clarify your misunderstandings. I dreaded meeting such men, not because of their kind care for their mother, but because I knew I could never compete with / could never measure up to their strong affection for their mothers … never cook as well, never really understand their life situation, etc. People who live with violence, see my posts about this, have two choices – repeat it or fill the world with love. Your Sons have chosen the latter thanks to your deep care and concern! Your deserve a medal and public thanks for that alone!
    Must admit I had no idea that your sister was still alive and all those nasty complications with the house. So Horrid! I left home at 19 yo, common over here, and am older than you. How sad about your son missing out on that neighbours house. You have my utmost admiration for surviving that torrid life, and I pray you have a few good relaxing holidays well away from such a dark home life. You have reminded me to be far more sensitive about my comments as I do not wish to offend anyone let alone someone as sweet as you …

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    1. No poppet you did not offend me I just felt that how could you possibly understand what my Sons had been through, what I had too. From the outside you had your views/opinions and rightly so. I can fully understand how difficult it must be for some women who have to try and compete with “the perfect Mother”, there is no such thing. Lately I have semi burnt enough dinners, and have cracks from my Sons of an evening. I do not believe that any Mother should interfere with their Son’s relationship. I have always said that to my Sons, whatever choice they made in life that was their choice and I would not interfere, I had enough of it from my own mother so I know what it is like. We are more like friends than Mother, we talk deeply about everything never being embarrassed, we are so open. My Sons know I am here for therm when they need me and as I said I do get spoilt I am indeed very lucky.

      I apologise if I offended you in any way, my late Husband used to say I was like a Tiger protecting her Cubs and I guess I was/am – like many others. But my Sons have their own Life to live. I love writing on the Internet, doing my blogs my Poems this has helped me immensely, just over a year now since I started. I am a Loner always have been. I would like to go travelling and had plans for San Francisco this October – Hotel and all booked, but its all unravelling at the moment Dr finding other problems I have on top of my present problems.

      So I hope without offending you I have explained somewhat our life here, certainly not what I intended for my Boys, I realize now I saw marriage as getting away from my mother/sister – no such luck I literally got stuck with them. Had what my Father had intended for me, “stolen” from me. My sister believes having to hoover the hall, admittedly it is large, demeaning, if my mother was alive my sister would not be allowed to do it, My sister has never/will never do anything here to help. Suffice to say one Christmas Eve many years ago now, my sister going to bed stopped on the staircase and called out to me her immortal words “you (me) are here to clean our shit and thats all you’ve ever been here for” with my Mother behind her agreeing – that sums up my life. I know to some it must be really hard to believe but you could not make this up, I bear the scars albeit faint now on my back, but the scars in my mind go deep never fade, I wish to God they would but they won’t.

      No offence taken by me, none intended. Let’s be Friends, take care – Anna

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