“No Smoke Without Fire” (Warning: Offensive Language)

I am just halfway through watching a new Drama on tv here in the UK its a Drama called “National Treasure”.   A most ridiculous  term used for people in the Entertainment business here in the UK who have been going a long time.  Only now the term is associated with one deceased, unfortunately, individual called Jimmy Savile, he was one of the most nortorious Peodophiles this Country has known.  He was a very large entertainer in this Country and someone who did a lot of Charity work, of course he did, that way gave him access to young Girls/Boys/Teenagers/young women/young men, disabled and mentally handicapped children/people along with those youngsters who were in Remand homes.  The reason I said “unfortunately” he was dead is because despite his employer THE BBC, YES THE FAMOUS BBC, and all his Friends and Colleagues, and the Police he got away with it, he died the Bastard before he could be Prosecuted.  When I refer to him as a Bastard I mean no disrespect to those people of my generation who if born out of Wedlock were referred to as Bastards, that was terribly wrong for those Children to be called that.  Savile was a true Bastard a filthy piece of utter shit.  I apologise for my language, my rude language.

There are people out there watching this programme, or not, who themselves were victims of Peodophiles.  I have no idea how these children/young people coped or anyone could cope at the hands of this deplorable excuse for a Human Being.  I admire the courage of anyone who has been treated in such a manner.

I myself was not Raped, but I had an Uncle, my Mother’s beloved Brother  –  joke, who thought nothing wrong with touching my Breasts trying to play with them.  I was only a Teenager and we would return to Ireland, my Parents both came from Southern Ireland.  We would visit my Nana, my Mother’s Mother, and that is where at my Nana’s Cottage he would do what he did.  I did not know what to do and I did finally turn to my Mother for help.  I told her what my Uncle had done/was doing and my Mother gave me support alright.  She slapped me and told me “you are a dirty little bitch and a liar”, when I threatened to tell my Daddy she informed me if I did he would get a Heart Attack and die as he had a week Heart (ironically few years back I was diagnosed with Heart Failure).

So you see for me to watch this brings back memories, albeit small compared to what some People have had to go through, being Raped, sodomised etc.  When I told my Sons what my Uncle did they said “he was a pervert no other word for it”.   My Uncle would boast how he would sit outside the Village School and watch this little Girl in the Playground.  Years later she became his Wife.  I myself was Married to a man 30 years older than myself but I can assure you he had no leanings towards people like my Uncle, in fact I was to learn how COLD my late Husband could be.  What my Uncle did what my Mother did has always been somewhere in the back of my mind.  Maybe I am a cold person, I think not, I have always longed to be loved, its all I ever wanted to do was love someone.  I assumed my Mother loved me even despite the Bamboo canings I would receive.  I was 30 years of age my Father had died, just half an hour Dead when my Mother informed me she never liked me never wanted me, I will never understand how she could hold a grudge so long.   My late Husband never seemed to want me and in fact on our Wedding Night, with me as a Virgin he told me “I am tired you’re tired so go to sleep” that was my Wedding Night, even now thinking about it I am crying and remember, remember everything.

Whether these people be Peodophiles or Perverts, the damage they do is not short lived, it can never be that.  It lives with the victims forever, we may try to forget but in those dark lonely moments at times those memories come back.  How does a little girl or a little boy who have been Raped cope, I don’t know I admire their courage.

These people who have been put on charges of Sexual Abuse, whether they were convicted and charges dropped for lack of evidence or more likely the case brought to Court would cost too much.  The old saying is True “There Is No Smoke Without Fire”.

If I am asked will I watch the other three episodes of this so called Drama, right now I will say NO its left memories come back and the face of a man I would rather forget.


12 thoughts on ““No Smoke Without Fire” (Warning: Offensive Language)

  1. I found myself overcome with a deep sadness when I read your account with your uncle. What a horrible, horrible monster he was. I can’t imagine the horror that I child endures when such a crime is committed upon them. It seems that show business either has a short memory or high tolerance of this behavior. Michael Jackson, anyone? I was also saddened by the events of your wedding night. Please know this – it isn’t you. Most men would have cherished this evening with you. I don’t know why it is that bad things happen to good people, Anna. I’ve said this before, good days are ahead.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sad memories and terrible times. I think abuse was very common and people should be accountable. It is a great shame that Saville was not made accountable.
    But I would disagree about smoke and fire. Some people do make false accusations. There are a number of people who are wrongly accused too and to have your life wrecked through malicious, vindictive wrongful accusations can make a victim out of an innocent person.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I worked in this field for years, and sadly about 50% of children suffer some form of ‘abuse’ … like yours an uncle touching private parts, a neighbour tonguing a young one in the back of her parents car to the full blown frequent sexual and emotional abuse. Kids do survive but we all deal with it differently!
    Your husband obviously had some problems and they had nothing to do with you.
    The sax is sexy … you get your love in your writing. You live out your own fantasies in full – life is what we make it and if we stay stuck they win.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Anna, I was deeply moved by your experience. As happens so often children who are molested ESP by family members are denied support, accused of lying because their family members are in denial or simply want to sweep these horrific acts under the rug . Pedophiles are the scum of the earth. Your experience is truly unacceptable and heartbreaking. I imagine that on your wedding night the problem lay with your groom and not with you. You are a courageous lady to bring these despicable acts to everyone’s attention. They s should be alert to any behavior their child exhibits that is unusual and take action. Thank you for your write today. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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