“Tough?”

Tough, strong

“Much stronger than you think”

Words I have heard

Many times

Describing me

Yes me

Hard to believe

I have to ask myself

Are they right

Is that how I am perceived

When all the time

I am still like that Child

Like that young Woman

Thinking how grown up I was

Yet being told what to do, how to dress

How not to let the neighbours talk

How to do this and that and the rest

Me, tough strong really?

Yet today when I reminded myself

My so called sister owes me for a bill I paid

My stomach started turning over

And I knew after all these years I’m still scared of her

Ridiculous you might say

Yes indeed it is

But the truth I tell

Which perhaps is always a mistake on my part

Unfortunately, I cannot lie

I was Thirty when my whole World, I realized was a lie

When my Mother who had waited Thirty years

And half an hour after my Father Died

To tell me she never wanted me

How that bitch fooled me

All those long years

Despite the canings from her I loved her

She fooled me

I tolerated her until her death aged 91

She and my sister made my life a living hell

Here I am today scared of the sister still

A grown Woman, more years behind me

Than ahead,  regrettably

Strong, tough

Am I

With tears that now flow

Am I really strong, tough?

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7 thoughts on ““Tough?”

      1. Really? Didn’t notice at all! You’ve gotten good at the game! 😀 See. I should call you more unexpectedly. I just thought you were delightful! And I was so relieved you spoke so beautifully. I have such a hard time hearing on the phone. Lordy! The back is going, the eyes are going, the hearing is going… Getting old sucks!

        Liked by 1 person

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