It is too long a story, but for Legal reasons which I, or my Sons, hopefully will be able to unravel. A situation my late Husband got me into despite our Solicitor at the time advising my Husband against the action he was going to take, my husband knew best and ignored the Solicitor and myself – but then I was just a young Wife with a much older Husband and men of that generation really knew best! It was not best, the decision my husband made was and is disastrous. Has caused me much heartache and probably has contributed to all the ill health and medical problems I have.
I live in a large house, with large Gardens and lots of repairs with lots of bills. I do live in a nice area, one of the best areas according to the Estate Agents today. I live by the Sea – the North Sea which is grey and cold and plenty of Wind Farms out at Sea – not blue and warm and lovely scenery. Actually it is not bad, I am lucky and I should appreciate where I live, the Beach and Sea is a nice 10 minute walk but for me a good 20/30 minute walk.
I live with my two Sons, grown men now – and as such I don’t discuss their private affairs. They are two great Sons who worry about me far too much, I wish they were out in the World enjoying themselves, but when I mention this (which is quite often) I am told “we’re fine, don’t go on” so I don’t say anything for a while!! My Sons do their own thing and the only time we are really only together is in the evening when I cook dinner and we sit down, dinner is getting later and later, 11pm and we are just about finishing the dinner.
Now the reason why I was prompted to write this was because of my so called sister in the last few hours, so many memories came flooding back. Memories are always on your shoulder waiting to bite you, at least for me they are. As I said earlier legal reasons, my sister lives here my husband put me in this situation. I have always, always been stuck with my sister, thats another story. She’s in this house, its a legal battle I may never see sorted but she’s here I do my best to avoid her and as the house is large and she has her own living area I can do that but there are times when I come face to face with this evil bitch, sorry if that offends but I always tell the truth.
Physically she has done damage to me, so called accidents from boiling water over my hands when I was 2 years of age, to being pushed down an iron staircase at school, to fists on my body – fists used on the crown of my head so I am deaf on one side, where do I stop. But this afternoon she just got on my bloody nerves, mostly I ignore and just get on with my work but today, no I lost it.
This is going to sound ridiculous but its true its how I have lived my entire life how my children have had to live. My sister creeps yes I mean creeps around the house, she does not leave a room like a normal person and shut a door she silently closes a door its like creeking it closed and open and creeps in case I see what/where she is going, as though I want to know. She won’t come out of her “pit” as I call it because she does not believe in cleaning her rooms, or herself too much, that is a story in itself, she won’t come out if I am around. If I go upstairs or like this afternoon I went out into the garden to feed the Birds and Squirrels she crept out, I caught her as I went back into the kitchen to get more nuts – NUTS did I say well she is NUTS. She was creeping around, moving my dog’s toys because well I don’t know why she just does it. Like she moves knocks them sideways, my paintings on the hall walls, the list goes on.
This afternoon she just made me realize as though I did not know already how much I hate her. How much she has ruined my life, apart from maybe just 2 years I have been literally stuck with her. She is four years older than me, and my late Mother used to tell people I would look after my sister when she was gone. I could, scream. My mother probably had me for that reason, after all she waited 30 minutes after my Father died when I was 30 years of age to tell me she never wanted me only my sister.
This afternoon, the memories came back of how if I managed to escape and go shopping on my own she would follow me, I have had shop assistants say to me “there is a strange woman over there following you, be careful” when I look I knew it would be her, it was and I would tell the assistants “that’s my so called sister” they would find her behavior odd.
Her only contribution to the house is hoovering the hall every morning, or when she feels like it. She is even now starting to annoy my youngest Son as he works in his office at home, she is like a snail creeping along with the hoover, takes her 30 minutes to hoover – admittedly its a long hall but can be done in less than 10 minutes. My youngest Son told me the other night how she was annoying him and he said “she saw I was getting annoyed and even stopped and start stopped and started hoovering, I shut the door and I swear she just left the hoover running outside the door to annoy me more”. Yes she done that, one of my mother’s old tricks. She resents having to hoover, she feels its all beneath her. When I was diagnosed with Heart Failure about three years ago my youngest Son asked her to hoover to help me out, hence the resentment.
My so called sister has never done anything in this house, when my mother was alive she would always wait on my sister hand and foot even to her late 80s and she was ill herself, she still did my sister’s washing and cleaning for her. It was expected I would take over, I wouldn’t. One Christmas, rows were always brewing, one Christmas Night as my mother and sister went to bed, at the top of the stairs my mother made some comment about how they did not have enough to eat. Which broke my heart as anyone who knows me knows I put too much food out. I had given them the Christmas I always had. Smoked Salmon/Prawns, Pate’ Turkey, Ham and all the trimmings, Gateaux, Trifles, fruit, chocolates, drinks, everything you could think of and my mother saying this knew it would get to me that I would cry and that this was the start to a row. I always purchased all the food for the house, I always did all the cooking – all my mother and sister had to do was enjoy it. The running of the house was done by me, my sister not wanting anything to do with the house when it came to work or problems. My eldest Son took me away to another room, not before I heard my sister say these now immortal words to me directly “you’re here to clean out shit and thats all you’re here for” excuse my language but that was is my mother/sister the devout Catholics (I am lapse). I spent Christmas Evening and Boxing Day and the days after trying desperately not to cry, I did cry and still do.
I am annoyed with myself that I let her see she got to me, she was even more smug looking. So smug one would love to slap her but that’s what she wants and I would not give her the satisfaction. So I put the tv on loud or I play my music and that calms me down. I know there are people worse off but there are times when I wonder just what the hell I did to deserve all that happened to me, to my Sons.
One day soon it will all end and I will finally have the peace and love I so want.