She had been in  agony for hours

how many hours, she could not say

but she was crying and screaming

and calling, begging for help

yet she was ignored

who was she

just the Patient


Not just a patient

but the Mother to be

trying to give Birth at home

the Midwife came

the Midwife who was not young

and had been doing this so long

she knew best, only her

a single woman not a Mother

but a Midwife who knew the answers?


The Husband of the Mother to be

begged to be allowed

just allowed to call for the Doctor

“No, No, No, I can manage”

the Midwife would shout back

so it went on

and the Mother to be Screamed

the Baby was too big

the Midwife knew she needed help

but would not allow the Father


The Husband no longer listened

to the Midwife

off he cycled on his bike

to the Doctor’s office

the Doctor came straight out

when he saw the Mother to be

he tersely told the Midwife

“why did you  not call me”


“I thought I could manage” the midwife said

“well clearly you could not”

said the Doctor angrily

after a while and a struggle

and more and more screaming

from the Mother to be

the Baby was Born


A Son, such white blond hair

Blue eyes and looked

just like his Father

but he was struggling to survive

and the Doctor worked on the Baby

for an hour all the time

trying to save the Baby’s Life


The Doctor turned to the Father

and quietly said

“You need to call your Priest”

the Priest was called

and the Baby Baptised

John Francis

after his Father


After that long hour

of struggling to save the Baby

who was such a fine big Baby

too big for the Midwife to deliver

the Baby John Francis


in the arms of the Doctor


Was the Baby given to the Mother to hold

to comfort her Baby Son

to look into her Child’s eyes

I do not know


The following year

the Mother gave Birth

in The East End Maternity Home

to a second Daughter

a Daughter she did not want

only a Son, desperate for a Son

the Son she lost

she never forgave the second child

for being a Daughter

and the Mother’s problems

her feelings of regrets, bitterness

she passed on


Can one blame the Mother

for her feelings

after all she went through

she passed on her problems

and her dislike of her little Girl

to that Child


And that Child

now a woman

with grown Children of her own

Two Sons

which her Mother

never forgave her Daughter for

the Daughter

still tries to understand

why her Mother hated her

and she tries not to let

that destroy her


I know

I am that Child



“But Beautiful”   played by a remarkable man,  Bill Evans.












    1. I could never forgive or forget Kate, but I have learned I believe to accept. When she died I went to say “goodbye” to her, in her bedroom first gaining permission from my so called sister, in my own house. Mother was conscious and alert, despite all the whippings all the filth I endured, I still loved her and told her so, I even apologized for not being the Son she wanted. She looked me in the eyes and did what she always did, grunted at me and turned her head. It was then I experienced this massive weight leaving my shoulders, I knew that God had helped me. Learning to love myself has been hard.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So right Kate, its not in us to forget is it. The pain, I am now not only on the liquid Morphine but a shot of Bourbon with it. Off at midday for more Blood Tests, Kate its like the centre bone in one’s leg is in half and pushing its way through the skin, appointment with Consultant May 10 I think. They should have done a scan before now. Making me depressed as well, enough.


    1. For most women, yes poppet. Half an hour after my Father Died in January 1978, I tried to comfort my Mother, she pushed me against the Dining room wall and told me she never wanted me or loved me. Yet around 1981 when my late husband purchased a large house here by the Sea, my mother and spinster sister moved in too – then all hell broke loose!!


  1. I can’t make excuses for her, Anna. NO mother has the right to hate an infant. She was mentally disturbed as she went on to prove with her behavior. (This is going to sound awful, I know, but I was thinking you could write your OWN G & MM story and have your hubby show up as the ghost to sort things out! Inserting your independence in a passive way in writing might be a good thing for you. 😉 )


      1. Sad some people go through life in such constraints … life is so short for self-deprivation…hoping you came out unscathed and joyous of what life has to offer.


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