Tomorrow here in the UK is “Father’s Day” and for me it’s always been somewhat of a difficult Day. My late Father never took much notice of it, being Old Irish I supposes its not something that there was ever much a fuss about. When it came to “Father’s Day” it was always the same thing, Cigarettes for Daddy its all he ever wanted and that was that. Was My Father a good Father, Yes in his own way. He was not over affectionate, I never ever recall as a child sitting on his lap being read a story by him (or my Mother) never being read a story in bed, those things were not done. Fed, Clothed looked after what more could one expect. When he Died he tried in a strange way telling me to take care and that he loved me, I finally knew at age 29 that Daddy loved me (I thought my Mother did but know now she hated me). I don’t/can’t cry for my Mother, but for Daddy, yes the tears still fall.
When it came to the Father of my Children, my late Husband being that much older than me, 30 years in fact, yes there were times when he played with the children and I do remember him reading to them at night, was he a loving Father, God I have questioned myself about that so much these last few years and in particular this last year. Being ill, one reflects a lot on the past, mind you I do far too much of that anyway.
When I mention their Father to my Sons, my youngest Son always says “I don’t remember him that much, I was only 10 when he Died”, yes he was only 10 and David my Husband did love the Boys he paid more attention to the youngest, my eldest Son David always seemed to find faults with and to this day my eldest Son remembers it all. Only the other day when I mentioned Father’s Day to him he said “I remember saving up and buying Him (David) a Pen and Pencil set, Daddy put it in a drawer and it was still there unopened when he Died”, indeed it was. And, after all these years of my Husband’s Death it still hurts my Son what David did.
As David laid breathing his last he reached up to the headboard above his head and I helped him take down the photograph of the two Boys, he fingered each of their faces especially their lips, and looked at me with tears in his eyes – love or regret, I don’t know I puzzle over it.
So Father’s Day has mixed meanings, the Boys probably won’t even mention it and I should not either.
But, if you have a genuine loving relationship with your Father, then be happy and enjoy it all. If you have good memories of a Loving Father no longer here, then you will remember him with love.
Happy Father’s Day to you all, and hug your Father show him you Love him.
“A Time For Love” written by fabulous Johnny Mandel and sung by the great Vic Damone