I locked myself away

what the fuck did you care

I listened

I cried

all by myself


You all talked

little bits I heard

made me worse

made me cry more and more


As I sat there

knife in hand

did I cut

did I?


Yes I cut all alone

I cut, I watched the blood

I felt better for the blood that ran

it’s what you all did to me


You “Bastards” I screamed

not out loud, was I too scared for that

but inside always inside

I shouted I hit myself

what did I care


I smoked

cigars and cigarettes I found

oh God was I sick

the hours that came later


I did not drink

there was no booze to hand

would I, had it been there

I don’t know

maybe so


You bastards

so cold and callous

me so easy to blame

was I the fucking fool

who took it all


For hours this situation

would remain

cold and callous stayed away

I stopped the cutting

but not the punching

on my body

on my head


Now the wall the black wall

was up and stayed

and here I was and would remain

maybe when the time would come

I would try to push the black wall away


But for now

the wall stays

I am safe I am alone

my eyes red sore

my voice hoarse

did I shout I must have


Never Free

Death is Freedom

Death will come

or I’ll make it come

but for now

here I stay















Bill Evans  –  Turn Out The Stars.




6 thoughts on “LOCKED AWAY

    1. It was awful, could never see an end, yet it was normal I thought others lived it too. I now have to go for Kidney tests, Dr won’t say what he suspects, but Sec told me on phone I have kidney failure, how true don’t know. I have to have blood tests too for Pernicious Anemia, have had that in the past. Never ends, still waiting for my leg results. How are you, everything well with you and your beautiful Dog. See you pictures/drawings are causing a storm. Take care Rob.


      1. It gets better Rob I have to choose the Hospital I want to be seen by for this kidney problem, the surgery sent me letters also one stating the “consultation with Doctor you had to discuss your kidneys” I had no consultation with the Doctor!!


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