I like life simple, I especially like the Truth. I have never been someone who wanted this or that, I have never been someone who makes demands as others do, all I ever wanted in Life was to be Loved I have my Sons Love and thats so precious. In fact I have been a Loner all my life. Someone told me I would be lonely when my Husband Died and my Sons left Home, they couldn’t understand when I said that I am never lonely, I always find something to occupy myself writing saves me being a Loner they could not understand.
When for all of your life you have been lied to, not even knowing until later in life that all you believed had been lies, it takes some adjusting and it makes one annoyed that people could lie as they do, especially those that you Love, Trust and Believe in. To some who do not understand that being honest being Truthful is how some of us live some of us cope with life, they find no problems with telling lies and referring to others as liars.
Call me whatever name you like, believe me I have heard nearly all from my so called sister. I’ll take it from those who dish it out but can’t take it themselves and I laugh it off now but to call me a Liar I will not tolerate. I don’t lie I can’t lie so what would be the point of me telling lies, I leave that to others. So many years ago a dear Friend of mine, now long gone, said I had Cow eyes and I was not sure how to take that, when they said “next time you go home to Ireland look in the Cows eyes see how beautiful they are how trusting” I understood. Stupid I guess but my entire life I have told the Truth, I have suffered for it too believe me, and I know there are those that find telling lies so easy.
I know I am soft, I am a Romantic and a Doctor once told me “you have vulnerability written across your forehead”, not nice to hear but I do believe in people perhaps too much, I have learned the hard way. Perhaps I can count on one hand those that have been completely honest with me, when I make a Friend that I know I can trust I know that they know I am being Truthful in all I say and do, I am Loyal to that person I treasure their Friendship their Love, but let me down and, isn’t there always an “and”…………….
Those closet to one can cut the deepest and despite the physical and mental pain they cause, you still continue to love them. Then the day comes and they have waited Twenty Nine Years to tell you “I never wanted you”, unless you have been through that I don’t expect anyone can understand the pain those words that look when it was said can cause one. You carry on and still love them but those words never leave your mind perhaps they never will, until that day comes and they turn their back on you, literally, in particular at a time when their life is ending. What I am saying I suppose is life makes one as they are, lies lies lies and not accepting the Truth is something I find so hard to accept. I have been told in the past and again just recently that I am a strong person, I don’t see that but what one has been through probably makes you strong, it helps us cope with all that is trying to bring us down.
I don’t and won’t apologise for telling the Truth, its up to you whether you believe it or not, but don’t think that I can be called a Liar and then insulted and accusations made. I have been there before far too much, and have had to learn the hard way, I have the scars to prove it in all ways.
I Love my Country, I love the Ireland that my Parents came from, the Southern Ireland where I was so happy as a Child on holiday and my Granddad who was the Truth. My Father, John was a very quiet very reserved Blarney Village man, never drank. Unfortunately, smoked and paid for that with his life he spoke the most to me, which my mother always resented, Daddy never lied to me. My Mother, well my Mother never forgave me for being Born a Girl and I loved her and trusted her implicitly, took Thirty Two years of my life to discover she was such a Liar. Never mattered what I would say she would call me a Liar, my World was my bedroom my little red radio, Diary, my writing, cuts deep to this day. There was no Freedom no going out or boyfriends definitely not that, my mother had lived her life but me, well controlled. I suppose that’s why I Married in my Twenties and married a man nearly Thirty years older than me, someone I could Trust, so I thought, my Sons tell me I married to escape my Birdcage but sadly my Husband after a few years put me back into that birdcage with my mother/spinster sister, He broke his Promise to me that he never would. My older so called sister never could to the day of the death of my mother do anything wrong, I was never right. Yet my sister Betrayed my Mother and stole from her, stole from me what my Father had intended for the two Daughters he had, to share. The one thing my mother wanted from the day my Father Died was to be buried alongside her Husband, she even brought the plot, being devout Roman Catholic she never believed in what she referred to as being “Burnt” and was angry at me when my Husband Died and his wish was to be Cremated. My sister “burnt” as my mother would say, our Mother I had no say, she then wrote to my mother’s only Brother left, and told him its what I had insisted on. I don’t even know where she has put my mother’s Ashes, they were not put with my Father I know that. Can you understand now why I HATE LIARS, why I tell the TRUTH.
When David, my Husband Died Christmas 1994, as soon as the Undertakers opened for business my sister called them to take my Husband’s body away, I had no idea. The first I knew was when I was alone with David, just cutting a little piece of his hair and two men walked in. I investigated much later and discovered she had phoned and pretended to be ME and insisted on the arrangements for the removal asap. LIARS God how I detest them. I have always Loved every single Dog I have had, all Rescues I don’t believe in buying a Dog, too many are desperate for a Home, my Dogs have been my Baby Loving and Loyal always there for me, ready to comfort when I cry, best Friend anyone can ever have.
As I said I make no apologies for telling the TRUTH, its something my Country could do with most urgently right now, the entire Media try to force their lies down our throats, believing that the majority of the people are still so stupid we don’t see the TRUTH. The majority of the people have had their DEMOCRACY stolen from them, the PM LIED the Politicians well they are famous for their lies. Others take offence at the Truth and call one a Liar well that’s up to them, nothing I can do. One day they will wake up to the TRUTH of whats happening to dear old Great Britain. The courageous people of France have shone a light that should be followed.
So I’ll end here, I still have too much of the House to clean and Christmas Decorations to put up, which I dread. That’s me simple life hoping not to be let down again, but it will happen I have absolutely no doubt. TAKE CARE. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOURS.
Andy Williams, can’t be Christmas without Andy Williams. “CHRISTMAS PRESENT” (Thanks to Sorrowful Flower)
annacottage/December 12, 2018.