I hope this will not offend anyone but today I Remember my Husband David who Died on this Day Twenty Four Years ago. Sometimes it seems, especially at December time, as though it was just a few years ago other times it seems like a lifetime. I know people always say that but its true.
December 15, 1994 at 7 am my Husband of 19 years well Twelve Days later it would be 19 years, Died. We had never left David’s side and his two young Sons were there sitting on the bed, his eldest Son aged just 15 years had his arms around his Daddy and the little one as we called him, our youngest Son aged 10, his Birthday four days later, held his Daddy’s hands, as I laid my hand on David’s Heart. He was fully aware of us there of what was going on even when the Doctor came to “ease” David’s discomfort to give David an injection which I asked the Doctor “will he suffer” to hear from the Doctor “No Anna, his Heart will gradually speed up and then gradually slow down until it stops”. That’s exactly what happened but just prior to that David looked into the eyes of his Boys and asked for the picture of them, David fingered each of their faces then looking me in the eyes, his Heart did all the Doctor said, until it stopped. I looked at the Boys and the youngest asked “has Daddy gone”. Our eldest Son ran from the room crying whilst my youngest sat on my lap, like his Father tough not showing his real emotions.
I had looked at the clock 7 am “7 am December 15, 1994”. The Priest called as David had taken the Last Rites and the Priest came to comfort us and pray. He told me I must still do Christmas for the Children I told him I couldn’t but he said “you must”. It was the hardest Christmas ever imagined. The Boys carried on, they gave me the strength. The worst part was, its silly I suppose but it was when we sat down to Christmas Dinner and I looked to the Chair where David would sit and I realised he was not coming back.
I grieved for 16 years, people tell you “you will get over it”, you don’t you learn to cope you learn to carry on. I had my Sons to bring up, in fact they kept me going the three of us pulled together and together we made it. Its not like Mother and Sons, we have always spoken frankly about everything its how David and myself wanted it NO SECRETS, my life had always been “Secrets and lies” growing up. That’s how the Boys, my Sons and I have lived. We argue but it never last long, more with my eldest Son because he not only looks like me he is me. My youngest Son is his Father, tough full of fun. They keep me alive. As for “Secrets” I found out one 16 years after David died (that’s for another time or book) and I stopped grieving straight away but I never forget our life our times together. I still wear on my left hand the two Wedding Rings David gave me, the first a plain Gold Band on our Wedding Day, the second a Russian Gold/Silver Wedding Band when we had a Blessing in Church ( we had been Married in a Registry Office first time) in the 1980s. The Boys will take a Ring each when I Die.
So here we are today Twenty Four years ago, how those years have gone looking back I wonder sometimes how they hell I, we survived but we did my Sons are the most precious gift anyone could have given. We live fortunately, in a large House that David provided we have our own privacy, meet up when we want to and it all works. I wish my Sons enjoyed themselves more, saw the World, well not right now the way it is, but they just tell me “stop, we are fine if we wanted to go we would but we don’t”. This is what they Father paid for what he worked for what he made, I suppose me too its not been easy, (another story for another time as well), in fact my Sons have not had all that I wanted for them, they have had to tolerate far more than they should have, my mother my spinster sister!!
Now we are here Twenty Four years on, Memories come back good sometimes bad but I loved David he was the only man I ever had, period. The day of David’s Funeral Friends/colleagues of David’s and Family came back to the House, as one Close Friend of David’s was leaving the man next door came out called me and said “well its all over now girl you can look for a another man now”, I nearly collapsed to the floor I ignored this moron and David’s Friend was shocked and annoyed. People would think because of the age difference what 29 years that I didn’t love David etc, not True I fell in love with him the first time I saw him I was 16. December 27, 1975 we were married and every December 27 my Sons say to me “its your Wedding Anniversary” Forty Three years this December 27 hard to believe, even longer than Forty Three years when you take into account I was 16 and fell for him, started work and met was to be my future Husband all those years later.
For years David, myself and the Boys would travel from our Seaside home all the long way to Cornwall for a holiday. On the long car journey we would play Nat King Cole, this is one I particularly remember. Nat King Cole, the master singing “When I Fall In Love”. MEMORIES NEVER LEAVE YOU.